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This
series of masks was made in 1994, my second year in the United States.
I was very excited and dazzled by this highly materialist modern world,
by various new ideas and the sudden freedom for which I was completely
unprepared after growing up in mainland China. Meanwhile, I was also
under a shadow of sorrow.
I
feel some sadness for my father, a man who seems always content, even
in the worst situation. I also feel sad for my mother, who had to stop
her career as a promising neurologist in Beijing because of the Chinese
Cultural Revolution. For ten years, during the most creative period
in her life, she had to work in a small rural town in southern China
as a simple medical worker. She is the most self-motivated and self-disciplined
woman I have ever met. Although she has never stopped improving herself,
she still feels resentment. After coming back from United State as a
visiting scholar, she urged me to go to this country to "take a
look at the world"not to be "as happy as a fool."
As a college teacher by that time, I was pretty content with my life;
I did not understand and was even annoyed by her constant urging...
A
picture I saw in a Chinese newspaper kept reappearing in my minda
group of children, foolish looking, in front of the camerathey
were found in a very small, isolated village where over many generations
the population had become inbred. More than half of the residents are
seriously retarded. Poverty and hunger surrounded them, but their blank
and dream-like faces told me that none of them was aware of their terrible
situationonly those who had experienced other possibilities could
cry for them. It seems that the more you open your eyes to look around
and be conscious of where you are, the more joyful you should be; however,
the pain usually doubles with the joy.
Struggling
between these ambivalent feelings, I found myself being strongly drawn
by those African maskseyes slightly closed, mouth loosely opened,
no curiosity, no surprise, no precaution, no desire, no pain, no joy,
no worries...as pure as a new born baby before opening its eyes to look
at this tumultuous world...
Although
I know its too late for me...
-Hua
Nian
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